Dear Blog,

What!? 3.5 years later! Where did the time go!? Man… I blink and I’m in what seems to be another galaxy. Too much to talk about, so I’m going to skip all of it. Well, almost all of it. Colleen and I got married April 6, 2013. It was an awesome wedding and I got a great partner!

So now… I’m still someone who wants to make games. I’m still someone who hasn’t made a game. I’m still someone! So, I’m here trying to figure out what in the hell I’m going to do with my life. I’m 31 years old now….. 31! As I write this, the lyrics to Smashing Pumpkins Disarmed pops up in my head!

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
Whats a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

Hmmm, random, but meaningful. Even the killer part, as I think the killer in me is the killer in Colleen. So, do I just send that smile over to her? Maybe there’s more to that song, but whatever, getting off track.

Unity and C# are hands down the tools I want to use. So, I discovered that after a long and very drawn out search. I’m also in a Game Design class right now at UNO where I’m finally learning the difference between Game Development and Game Design. Both are cool, game design seems more universal and more important than game development… ok, maybe not more important, but universal and artistic! Game development can be done by someone provided the rules and description of all the objects in almost any language.

So, here I am, lots of friends, great family, but alone…. alone to pursue my individual dream… as it should be. Should it be!? Too many questions, not enough answers.

I’m here to get answers. I’m here to make plans. I want to revive my company “Drag ‘N’ Dream”, although it never really did go anywhere. I want to make a $#%##$ #@$@$%#% GAME!!!! I’ve been down tonight, and as soon as I got on the computer, I just got angry. I’m angry at myself. I’m angry at my situation. I don’t have infinite time to do what I want. I have very limited time. These windows are only getting smaller. The “real” career gets in the way, “health”, “wellness”, all this vitally important stuff….. but it’s not important to my dream…. just to the temple (aka my body) that allows me to make choices and receive the joys of life. Siiigggghhhhhh, I don’t know how to proceed. I want to drop it all, move into a little cabin somewhere in the middle of no where, have a simple life where survival and money is out of the picture, and all I’m doing is making a game. I won’t be allowed to leave until the game is complete. I need a year. Someone, please just give me a year of time without having to worry about anything. That’s what I want now, and can’t say that’s all I want…. because what I want after the year is over may be totally different. I can make a game. I have the knowledge. I’m ready! I just need the time now…………. aghhhhh. OK, no more anger, no more complaining. Just doing.

All I can do is all I can do. Just do it!

– ETdoFresh [^ always thinking of you buddy!]