I’ve been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster this Summer. I’m back on the ground. I’m dizzy. I’m trying to get my right footing, but stumbling a bit… but here I am. Able and willing!

Be present… be present… be present!

One of the things about this life, if you don’t pay attention, this life will pass you by. When you get stuck doing the same thing, day-in and day-out, time flashes. You no longer think about what you are doing each minute, hour, or day… you start thinking in weeks, months, years… and when you do that… your mind, your thoughts, your baseline becomes that time period.

It’s all perception. Take the time… If you are looking at a painting, take the time to look at it. Understand what the artist is trying to express. Understand what feelings it makes you feel. Most importantly, make your mind actually think about what you are looking at. Be present!

I really do appreciate art. As an indie game dev, I often think about games as a form of art. However, when I think about being present, I’m not sure that games actually do that. In fact, I think it’s just the opposite. Games are so dynamic. They are moving very fast. Your mind doesn’t have the time to be present, it is trying to keep up with the computer and other players. I guess there are actually genres (like a “chill” genre) that seems to be becoming more popular. IDK. But I found myself playing hours of Overwatch this week, and time just zapped by.

Speaking of games, Butterscotch Shennanigans podcast was talking about making “successful” games. They basically told me, “What kind of goal is that!? You can’t possibly be successful with the sole goal of making a successful game.”  Yeah, it’s so arbitrary. And more importantly, everyday you don’t have a “successful” game, are you a failure? I’ve been living soo many years in this frame of mind. I’m surprised I haven’t given up altogether yet. There’s been days I’ve been close. But, today I learned I have to change my perspective. Aim for a TANGIBLE goal, and go for it. Make sure the goal is clearly defined, and if I wanted to be kind to my psyche, also design my goals where its nearly impossible to be a failure.

I guess I lasted so long is because I absolutely adore making games. I can’t stop. I can’t finish. But I also can’t stop!

Anyway, this was supposed to be a check-in blog post. Let me get to it!

  • I’m still working over at UNO as a programmer.
  • I ran the crescent city class with time 1:11 for 10k
  • I went to Europe with my family. It was really nice!
  • My PhD professor (Stephen G Ware) left the university
    • My two PhD lab mates left with him to finish their PhDs
    • I strongly considering quitting the program, but…
    • Decided to give it one more chance this Fall with Ben Samuel
    • I am enjoying myself thus far, so we’ll see what happens come 2020
  • I am working on Unity Networking Project
    • Trying my own engine
    • Trying pre-built engines
    • I want to make a YouTube series of my experience
    • Using Asteroids as my testbed
    • Decided to try Fiverr for graphics
      • Testing outsourcing some work personally

Yeah, life has been good. I’ve just read my previous blog posts… and yes, I’ve been complacement. I’ve subcombed to my worse enemy. I need to be present. I need to finish my projects. I need summon and build that power within myself. Here I go!

Later Gator! - ET